I strongly dislike celebrating my birthday. This feeling emerged a few years ago and has gradually grown in intensity. I think my 24th birthday was the first one that felt unpleasant. I didn't have 25th or 26th birthday parties at all; I hosted Annual Autumn Karaoke Events around the time of my birthday instead. I’m 27 now.
People get curious and incredulous when I say I dislike my birthday. I guess it’s unusual, at least at my age. So people say, “It’s your birthday. Why aren’t you excited?” It’s a good question.
What’s especially strange about disliking my birthday is that I’m an outgoing person and I love having the attention of others. According to some, my need for attention is actually a strong character flaw. I love karaoke, playing in a band, promoting Haastyle art, writing articles like this one and sharing them with people. I’m friendly, social, occasionally even popular. So it might stand to reason that I would relish birthdays as a chance to gather people together, with me as the smiling epicenter. But I don’t.
So it seems that there’s a difference between birthday attention and the kinds of attention I enjoy. After thinking about this for several weeks, I believe I’ve identified it.
It’s the reason for the attention. In karaoke, band shows, Haastyle events and published writing, I receive attention because I’m doing something that's remotely noteworthy and deserving of it. I’m singing, rocking out, party planning or publishing, and others are getting something out of it. In these activities, I’m earning the attention.
Birthdays aren’t like that. No one does anything special to deserve attention on their birthday. It’s just arbitrary. You don’t earn a birthday. It’s nothing out of the ordinary. Everyone has a birthday, no one deserves it more than anyone else. That's why celebrations of my birthday feel arbitrary and fake to me. They don't make me feel special, just ordinary.
This is a very satisfying realization. I finally have a strong, logical justification for disliking my birthday. However, I've identified something even more important: despite my dislike for my birthday, I still need to celebrate it. Or at least recognize it.
The reason is that other people get something out of my birthday celebrations. Some people have this sense of entitlement, like the world owes them something special on their birthday or they should get whatever they want. I find that selfish and childish. And I realized that by NOT celebrating my birthday when those around me want to, I'm acting selfish and childish. And that's no good. My birthday is not just about me. And it’s not just about what I want. It’s about my friends and family, and what they want to do for my birthday.
It makes people uncomfortable when they think you’re unhappy on your birthday. I have a couple friends who are curmudgeons about birthdays and other big events. And they suck to be around when they're like that. I feel like I'm letting them down because I can’t make them happy. Their bad attitude gives me a small feeling of personal failure. For my birthday, people should feel good about being with me and giving me special treatment if that's what they want to do. Those are noble goals, whether I want that treatment for myself or not.
Ultimately, I believe that birthday celebrations are mostly nonsense. It’s an arbitrary reason to focus on a person. However, my friends and family find mine to be important. And I owe it to them to recognize my own birthday. It’s not about me and my well-founded reasons for disliking my birthday. It’s about indulging my friends and family by allowing them to do something nice for me.
So from this birthday forward, I resolve to:
A) Be gracious and moderately cheerful in response to the wishes and other birthday efforts people make on my behalf.
B) Participate in some sort of social gathering near the time of my birthday.
See you next year.
-- Nate Winter
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